I'm going to anger just about everyone with this post - and I welcome it. Anger properly used is an amazingly galvanizing force for change. It has little to do with acupuncture, food, or wellness directly; however it has everything to do with why droves of children are starving in Somalia, London is on Fire, and why the US government just took over for Barnum and Bailey as the number one circus in town. It's because nobody has a clue what the hell they're doing; and nobody has a clue because we all seem to have forgotten our roles. Women, your job simply put is to tell everybody what is important. Men, our job is to figure out how to best get that done. And as a man, I'll be the first to say that all this crap is mostly (if not all) our fault. And women, as much as we need your help in fixing things, if you try to do both your job and our job, we're going to be no better off in the long run.
Now I'm the last guy you could ever call sexist. I praised the woman (with better biceps than mine) that helped me carry this behemoth of a bookshelf down 3 flights of stairs a couple of months ago. I'm glad to hear any woman's thoughts on any topic. And I'm not the man that's going to let my lady or my mother go in the kitchen and slave over the hot stove by herself. Not never (the double negative is for emphasis). I've got your back 100% of the time. However, I've run into a recent pattern of women in my life not trusting me to lead the way. After a discussion about what's fair, reasonable, right, and most important (a conversation during which a least half of my notions are exposed for the flawed mess that they are), the execution of this top priority mission hits a major snag - the Zero Faith Factor. See, if there is one thing I have done near flawlessly since being a young lad, it's getting $&*+ done. Plain and simple. You give me a goal, what I can use for resources, and a deadline and you can count on a big "Mission Accomplished" banner blowing gently in the wind not too far off in the future.
My problem is some dumbass of a man (more likely 20 of them) has come along right before me and proven to the women I am eager to serve that accomplishing the task we men were charged to do is of priority Level 4. Greed, ego, and power crept into the agenda at some point in the past, and now getting the job done right just doesn't matter as much. So what happened? Wonderfully beautiful, gifted, and caring women have transformed into headstrong head honchos who have to have it their way or the highway. And I don't blame you women for having developed the strength and conviction in yourself that all the men you see around you lack. What I lament is this: if the cycle continues, good men will give up, inefficiencies will ensue, young men will never try, and while women run the world, no one will have the time to remind us that love is the most beautiful thing in the world.
Now I'm not naive enough to think that the energies of men and women are absolutely separate with no cross-over. There are women who have leadership ability that comes naturally and wasn't born out of necessity. There are men who thrive in the role of sensing truth and directing us all in how to maintain its essence. I'm not talking about these minorities - you guys keep doing what you're doing. What I'm saying is that if you are a woman calling the shots, but you know deep down that you're better in a support role, find a decent man to get behind and help take his game to the next level. If I could find the people who perpetrated the lie that leadership is more important than support, I'd rap away at their knuckles until my hand got a cramp from holding the ruler. As the home base and foundation for everything that is meaningful and good in the world, I'd trade the gifts of 200 women for the "Talk a good game" attitude of most men any day.
And fellas, I'm sorry I've chipped away once again at our fragile collective ego. I guess I'm just thinking that after lifetimes of beatings, murders, rapes, and wars, some man's got to formally apologize and acknowledge the real issues. Now lick your wounds, go deeply listen to what these fine women have to say, and then take it on as your life's work, giving it every ounce of strength, skill, and cunning you can muster. I'll meet you on the other side.
i agree that life is rough for decent, awesome men like you, for whom pathetic ones before you have ruined we women's view of u as a species. it's quite destructive in fact because like u said, the "fragile collective ego" does nothing to challenge young men to be better than what society (and women) repeatedly feed them. it's the same problem that i have with all these aid organizations giving $ or microloans to the women in a poor society (and paying little attention to the men because they are just "drinking and squandering away resources")...it does little to bring up the holistic health of the community - where young boys are raised by strong women, but have little to go on by way of positive male role models. in the similar way that life is rough for strong, somewhat independent women like me who have been raised or adapted to be a certain way in a "man's world"...because there's the constant power struggle where women aren't taken seriously because they let their emotions get the best of them and because they're only good in the kitchen or whatever.
ReplyDeletethe issue i have with the post is that women who are calling the shots may not know deep down that they are indeed better in a support role. (and then ur request for them to "find a decent man to get behind" further sets up that dichotomy)...since they could just as well find a decent woman leader to get behind (esp since decent men are so hard to find these days). the dichotomy that this way of thinking perpetuates is that men are the ones who are the better ones at "calling the shots" and that women are inherently better at being in the supportive role. the truth is that there are many men who are "calling the shots" but would do much better in supportive roles (of other men, or other women).
now is it true that men are somewhat inherently better at taking linear action, and what is lacking is a woman (or the quality more often found in women) to hold the whole picture and scope of what's going on and point the man's (or sometimes woman leader's) action in the right direction? i think i would agree w/ that...it's (to put it crassly) actually quite inherent in our anatomies...men are linear, and women wrap around. but over time, women have needed to adapt to those men who are pointing in the wrong direction or simply pointing when/where they shouldn't be. and decent men, in their growth to become decent men, have learned that there is great strength in what women bring and especially if they've had good female figures in their identity formation, they could tend to bring some of those quality into their linear ways (thereby becoming even more effective and balanced).
lastly, i couldn't agree w/ u more about the bad rap that support gets when taken with the goliath of "leadership." too little attention is paid to the "behind-the-scenes" stuff that needs to (and should) be going to make leadership the maximum it can be.